Eric Northman is Not Hot!
by Ooshka
Summary: AH One-shot featuring the characters from Homestay and Home for Christmas. Sookie tries to have a mother-daughter chat with Amelia and finds out some things are not hereditary. M for language and lemons.


**A/N Hello! Miss me? I missed you guys! So here we go, my next story featuring Kiwi Sookie. Hopefully this doesn't confuse anyone, because I've jumped forward again to 10 years in the future, the same time period as the epilogue for Homestay. So all the kids are here. You can thank TeaCup Human for some of the ideas here, she was the one who wondered whether Amelia and Felicia's friends would think Eric was hot!**

**Disclaimer: Not mine. All belong to CH.**

SPOV

It kind of started when Felicia dropped the news that Amelia supposedly had a boyfriend. There'd been no real evidence other than Felicia's stories about seeing them at St Luke's once and hearing Amelia talk about this guy, but Felicia was usually pretty good at knowing what was going on, so I was inclined to believe her. I wasn't, however, inclined to tell Eric just at the moment. He'd either try to stop Amelia leaving the house ever again or, worse, start paying Felicia to find out more information for him. And I knew that Felicia wasn't above trying to use this to get a new pair of netball shoes.

So I thought maybe it was time for another mother-daughter chat with her, just to see if she'd tell me what was going on. Once upon a time Amelia had no secrets, from anyone. We were always slightly worried about what she was going to blurt out to random strangers on the street. These days however, she was a lot more closed off, which made me really sad. As much as I knew from experience that it really sucked to be a thirteen year old girl, I was rapidly finding out it wasn't that much better to be the mother of one.

I stuck my head around Amelia's bedroom door "Hey" I said "Can I come in?"

Amelia looked up from her copy of Eclipse. "If you want to" she said, obviously trying to play it cool.

I sat on the end of the bed, and Amelia sat up so she was leaning against the headboard. "What have I done now?" she asked.

"Nothing! I just came in for a chat."

"About what?"

"Whatever you want to talk about…like, um, how's school?" This was harder than I'd hoped it would be.

"Its school, you know, I turn up and do what I have to." Amelia had always done really well at school, and that didn't seem to have changed…yet. I really hoped she wasn't going to be one of those girls who discovered boys and gave up on being a good student. At least she was at an all girl's school. Eric loved the fact that the, highly desirable, school zone we lived in meant the kids were going to single-sex grammar schools once they hit high school. I sometimes wondered though if that just made the opposite sex slightly more appealing than they would be if they were just a bunch of noisy boys rampaging though the classroom, knocking things over and smelling of feet.

"Are they doing another show this year?" Amelia loved being on stage, once she'd discovered that everyone had to look at you if you were performing, there was no going back.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Are you going to try out for it?"

"Yep."

I was really running out of conversation here, and Amelia wasn't helping.

"So, anything else you want to talk about?" I tried.

"Mum, are you just in here to see if I want to talk about boys with you?"

"Well, I…"

"Because, really Mum, you shouldn't pry! God, you're worse than Felicia!"

"I'm not prying! I'm chatting!" I thought for a moment. "So…do you want to talk about boys?"

Amelia gave an exasperated sigh. She looked down at the duvet cover for a bit, pleating it between her fingers. In the end she said "Fine! We can talk about boys." And then there was silence again.

"So…" I prompted.

"Sooooo…" Amelia said exaggeratedly, pulling a face.

"Come on" I said. "We can talk about anything." In my head though, I was thinking 'don't ask about sex, don't ask about sex'. Then I had a worse thought, what if she'd already done…something. Oh God. I was not cut out to have teenagers.

Amelia frowned. "What happens if…a boy…wants to do something and you don't?

Oh God, it was sex. I wanted to run away and hide under the bed. "Um, what do you mean?" I asked, stalling for time.

"Well, you know, if they want to do something really _lame_, like just sit there and play games on their iPad, and make you watch them. Rather than, like, talking to you."

Oh. OK. Well that sounded a lot better. And slightly like something Bill would do. I hated to think of my lovely, vibrant, slightly annoying daughter reduced to sitting there watching some idiot play computer games, just to win his approval.

"You know, it's supposed to be fun when you hang out with them. If it's not fun for you as well as for him, then something's really wrong. You're supposed to actually laugh."

Amelia frowned. "But it's kind of fun…hanging out and stuff. Although it's a bit boring when I have to sit there and be quiet."

"Amelia you should never have to sit there and be quiet! Don't put up with that shit, from anyone. Alright?"

"Yeah, OK. I guess I can do better. He did have a kind of lame haircut anyway."

Thank heavens for the fickleness of youth. Hopefully Amelia would get out of this without a broken heart.

"So, is that why you like Eric? Because you have fun with him?"

"Well, yeah. We've always had fun together, he makes me laugh. It was that way before we even started…" I was going to say before we started dating, but that really wasn't how it happened. "Um, before he even lived with us. I liked hanging out with him. Plus it helped that he was hot!"

Amelia screwed up her face. "Euw! He is not hot!"

"Who's not hot?" Felicia appeared in the doorway, wearing her pyjamas and with her wet hair wrapped up in a towel on her head.

"Dad!" Amelia said.

Felicia shrugged. "S'alright. I've seen worse." She looked thoughtful. "Except for when he grows that beard on holidays. Then he looks like a yeti."

Yeah, none of us were overly fond of that beard. Not long before we'd had a family holiday in Fiji and Eric had 'forgotten' to pack his razor and couldn't be arsed buying another one, apparently. Towards the end of the second week even I'd taken to pretending that some homeless person had wandered into the resort and taken up residence on the sunlounger next to me. A homeless person, who, admittedly, kept wanting me to put sunblock on his back, find his book, hold his sunglasses, remind him when to get the kids from the kids club, and who kept trying to persuade me to order cocktails in the middle of the afternoon because 'we spent all that money on swimming lessons, so they should be fine in the pool'. Yeah, OK. I probably wasn't fooling anyone.

"Maybe it's different if you're not actually related to him?" Felicia asked.

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Felicia, you doofus! We're not technically related to him!"

"Oh yeah." She thought for a minute then shrugged. "I dunno then." I thought she might go off to her own room at that point, but instead she came in and sat down on the chair at Amelia's desk and started spinning it around.

"Yes?" Amelia said pointedly in Felicia's direction, but Felicia ignored her. "What do you want Leesh?"

"Oh, I'm just hanging out with you guys. I'm allowed, aren't I Mum?"

"Well, yeah, that's fine" I said, much to Amelia's annoyance.

"So what are you talking about?" Felicia asked.

"We were talking about the fact that Mum is deluded in thinking Dad is hot" said Amelia. Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. Honestly, where was the loyalty?

"Oh. Well you like the idiot who's in Twilight, so I don't think you can talk." Felicia said evenly.

"There's nothing wrong with him!" Amelia spluttered. "Anyway, you like that All Black!"

"What All Black?" I asked. I was finding out all sorts of things tonight.

"The one with the tattoos and the dreadlocks" Amelia said, pulling a face.

"Yeah. He is quite nice" Felicia said dreamily.

That was…interesting. Amelia might have been hard work sometimes, but most of the time I got where she was coming from. Felicia was a mystery. Between her laid-back, don't give a damn attitude, and her sporting ability, which Eric took complete credit for, because he is an awesome coach, it was sometimes hard not to realise that not only had that apple fallen far from the tree it had rolled into Farmer Jason's paddock. Now that was a scary thought.

"But…your dad's, not?" I asked. I didn't quite understand how I was so out of sync with the rest of them.

"He's totally not hot" Amelia said, leaning forward and patting my arm to console me.

"Who's not hot?" said Pam as she came into the room, with her wet hair falling down her back and wearing pyjamas with a pink glitter ballerina on the front of them.

"Dad" Felicia said, still spinning the chair around.

"Yes he is" said Pam. "I heard Izzy's mum tell Bella's mum that he was."

"What?" I asked. "Did they say anything else?"

"Well…she said that if she had Dad then she'd be knocked up all the time too."

"Oh" I said. Shit, those women really needed to learn to keep their mouths shut. Didn't they realise that four year olds were perfectly capable of hearing everything that went on? Not to mention the fact they decided it was more than OK to speculate on my sex life. Euw.

"Hey Pam" said Felicia "Is there anyone left at pre-school who isn't called Isabella?"

Pam shrugged. "Me."

"Duh! I kinda knew that one!" Felicia said.

"Hey Pam-Pam, want me to comb your hair?" Amelia asked.

"Yeah, but don't pull." Pam came and sat in front of Amelia, who reached over and grabbed a comb off her bedside table. I tried not to feel jealous. I liked combing Pam's hair myself; she was the only one of us with dead straight hair. Amelia's hair had an annoying kink to it and was really thick; Felicia was stuck with my curls. I glanced over at her. She really needed to get that towel off soon.

"What's knocked up mean anyway?" Pam asked.

I opened my mouth to reply but Amelia beat me to it. "Pregnant" she said.

"But what does that have to do with whether Dad is warm or not?" Pam looked confused. Amelia giggled. Felicia kept spinning.

"What?" asked Pam, realising that Amelia was laughing at her.

"They just mean…" I started, trying to think desperately of what I could say. "They just mean that they think Dad is good-looking. Which he is. Anyway, shouldn't you be with him? Aren't you missing out on the story?"

Pam sighed. "He's still in the bathroom with Sam and Tray."

"He is? What's taking so long?" Whenever Eric bathed them it seemed to take forever. It never took me that long.

"They're having a farting competition. Dad's winning!" Pam said proudly. Amelia looked over Pam's head at me and mouthed "So. Not. Hot." Jeez, Eric, I thought. You're not doing yourself any favours here.

"Your friend thinks he's hot" Felicia suddenly said. I guess that was directed to Amelia who immediately went "What?"

"Yeah, that weird friend of yours. Yvetta. She thinks he's hot." I'd seen Yvetta and she looked like trouble. Excellent, that was all we needed, weird skanky teenage girls hanging around in the hopes of getting Eric's attention.

"Felicia, how do you even know this?" I asked.

"I pay attention."

"You mean you've been eavesdropping on me again! Jeez, Felicia, you're just…just…just don't do it, OK?" Amelia was really annoyed, but Felicia didn't look worried. She just shrugged and said "Yeah, whatever."

"Aargh! Mum! Tell her she can't spy on me!" Amelia wailed.

"OW! That hurt!" In her annoyance with Felicia, Amelia was taking it out on Pam's hair.

"Alright, just calm down. No one is spying on anyone else, OK?"

There were general nods in the room, followed by a brief silence. "I'm getting a t-shirt made" Amelia muttered.

"What?" I asked.

"A. TEE. SHIRT" Amelia enunciated, like I was deaf as well as stupid. "One that says 'Eric Northman is not hot'. And then I'm going to wear it in the hope that everyone will finally get the message." I felt a bit sorry for her; it can't be fun if the girls in your class fancy your dad. But I really hoped she didn't get that t-shirt.

"If you do" said Felicia "Can I have your Team Jacob one?"

"No."

"But you don't even like him!"

"NO! It's mine."

"But you don't fit it anymore! You've got BOOBS!"

That was a bit of a low-blow. I felt sorry for Amelia, she did indeed have boobs. Unfortunately that was the joy of being related to me, I guessed. She was slowly coming to terms with it and she was starting to move out of the baggy t-shirt stage. Possibly that was explained by the fact she was now discovering boys. Felicia was in turns appalled, fascinated and envious. She kept asking me if she'd get some soon, and honestly, I didn't know. She was a different body type to me and Amelia.

"Felicia! Be nice!" I said, trying to channel Eric as best I could.

Amelia sniffed. "You still can't have it" she muttered.

"So, what is hot then, Amelia?" I asked.

"Um…don't know. Maybe, like…dark and brooding and mysterious. And romantic." she said, sounding a bit wistful.

"Eric's mysterious!" I said. "He just, you know, arrived here. Without us knowing anything about him." And I'd had dark and brooding, it wasn't as good as Amelia thought it was.

"Farting competition Mum! That is NOT mysterious" Amelia said.

"It was kind of smelly" said Pam, wrinkling her nose.

I gave up. Felicia had obviously had enough too. "Well, you guys are lame; I'm going to my room. See youse." With that Felicia left the room.

Pam looked at me. "I like Daddy" she said.

"Of course you do" I replied.

"And I'm going to stay with him forever and ever" she added, with a smile. Oh yeah, I remembered those days. When Daddy could do no wrong and was the coolest guy on the planet. I just hoped that Eric realised he should appreciate this stage with Pam, because this was the last time it would happen; she was his last little girl. Unless I died and he married again. In which case, good luck to him. He'd have to be mental to want more kids.

Amelia though, was now in a grump, and wanted to burst Pam's bubble. "You can't stay here forever, silly. Eventually you'll want to move out."

"No I won't."

"Yeah, you'll find someone better than Dad. Much better."

Pam pouted. "I don't think there's anyone better than Dad."

Eric chose that moment to stick his head in the door. "Quite right, Pam" he agreed. Amelia rolled her eyes. "You ready for the story?" he asked.

"Yep" said Pam, skipping out of the room after Eric. Now it was just Amelia and I again.

"So, anything else?" I asked. "I mean anything else you want to talk about, other than your opinion on whether Eric's hot?"

"It's not my opinion, its fact" Amelia muttered.

"Well, fine. We'll just agree to disagree on that one. But, you know, if there is anything else then you can always talk to me."

"Yeah…I'm good I think Mum. Except…"

"Yeah?"

"Well, do you have to be really old to find the right person?"

"Um, what do you mean?"

"Well, you know. Old like you. Because you were old when Eric got here, so is it only when you're old that you know that someone's, like, right for you?"

I wasn't sure if she was trying to wind me up or not, but I looked at her face and no, she was quite genuine.

"Um, I'm not that old…" Amelia looked at me like I was an idiot again. "And I was ten year's younger when I met Eric."

"You were still old."

"And…Eric wasn't?"

"No! He's old too."

"Oh." I was secretly pleased I was at least getting lumped in with Eric. "Oh, well, I think maturity helps you know what you want, but that doesn't necessarily mean the same thing as age, if you know what I mean?"

"I think so. So it can be like Bella and Edward then, if you find the right person?"

"Well, try and finish high school first."

Amelia sighed. "OK. Well I should really do my homework I guess."

"You haven't done your homework yet?"

"Most of it, I just have to finish something…"

"OK. Well I'll let you get onto it. 'Night sweetheart." I bent over and kissed her.

"Yeah. 'Night Mum."

I left the room. I thought small kids were exhausting, but teenagers were a whole other ballgame. I went into Felicia's room and said goodnight to her, but she'd lost interest in the outside world again and had to be persuaded to remove her ear buds.

The story had finished by this time and next I popped into Pam's room to say goodnight, only she wasn't in bed, she was standing next to it moving the piles of soft toys and pillows that festooned her bed around and muttering to herself.

"Did you change the sheets today?" she asked.

"Yep."

"Humpf, well my bed's not right."

"I tried my best Pam."

"It's butterfly pillow, flower pillow, star pillow, then the bears, then Emily, then my Dora doll, then Mr Fluffy. You had the pillows mixed up and Emily wasn't in the right place, and Mr Fluffy was still on the floor!"

"OK, I will try to remember next time. But can you please get into bed now? And won't you have to move them anyway?"

"No" she said, as she squeezed herself into the tiny space that was left.

"Right, well, as long as you're comfy."

"Yep. 'Night Mum."

"'Night sweetheart."

"Will you send Daddy in?"

"Yeah, I'll just go and see what he's doing."

When I found him Eric was still in Sam and Tray's room, with Sam on his back, Tray clinging to his front and Ivan snapping at his heels.

"What happened to quiet time before bed?" I asked.

"Oops, busted!" Eric said, in a voice which suggested he didn't really care.

He managed to pry the boys off him and Ivan eventually stopped barking. "Right" he said, "everybody into bed." Sam climbed into his bed, but Tray jumped on his from halfway across the room.

"Stan under there?" I asked.

"Yeah" said Tray "He got my leg earlier." He held up one skinny leg so I could see the scratch on his ankle.

"Oh" I said. "Want me to kiss it better?"

"No Mum! Euw."

"OK" I said, feeling a bit redundant.

"Well, if it will make you feel better, Mum, then you can, I guess…" Tray conceded. I sat on his bed carefully, hoping Stan didn't decide I was a target, and gave his ankle a quick peck. "All better" I said.

Tray nodded and got under the covers. "'Night Tray" I said. "'Night Sam"

They both said goodnight to Eric and I and he leaned over and tucked them in. We left the room and I sent Eric off to say goodnight to Pam before heading to the kitchen.

EPOV

After saying goodnight to Pam and assuring her that Stan was really OK staying under Tray's bed, because no way in hell was I sticking my arm under there to haul him out, I went into the kitchen and started making coffee for Sookie and me. "So" I asked "what was going on in Amelia's room tonight? Other than Pam sticking up for me?"

"Um, not much" she said, looking a bit guilty.

"There must have been something."

"Well, we were talking about boys and stuff…"

"Boys?" I really fucking hated that Amelia was getting to that age, I hoped the fact she was at a girl's school kept her away from the worst of it, but I suspected it wouldn't be enough. Felicia had been angling for new shoes and had said she had information but so far I hadn't taken the bait. Perhaps I should have.

"Yeah. I think Amelia was trying to be something she's not in order to impress some kid. Hopefully it's sorted and he and his lame haircut will be history."

"Oh, OK. So…she's not going to see him again?"

"Well I hope not. He doesn't really sound like he appreciates her."

"Yeah, well hopefully not then." I really fucking hoped he wouldn't be turning up here anytime soon. Fuck. Maybe I needed to put bars on her bedroom window or something? Was that over the top?

"I doubt it's serious. I don't think anything is at that age." Sookie added, as we sat down at the kitchen table.

"Depends how you define serious. Kids that age are perfectly capable of having sex."

"Euw! Eric! It's _Amelia_. I do not want to think about that in regards to her."

I shrugged. "Well we might have to." Sookie shuddered but didn't say anything else. "How easy do you think it is to get into her bedroom window?"

Sookie looked at me "Why?"

"Just thinking."

"You think she's going to sneak someone in? She's 13!"

"Yeah, maybe not. Maybe we've brought her up well enough that she won't." Fuck I hoped that was true. I'm sure Melanie Bowen's mother thought she was a model daughter, but I still made it in her bedroom window.

"Let's go with that theory" Sookie said, sipping her coffee.

"So what else were you talking about?"

"Oh, well, um…"

"What?"

"Well, Amelia was telling me I have no taste in men."

Yeah, well getting involved with Bill was obviously a huge fucking mistake, but there wasn't much point telling Sookie that now. Then something else occurred to me. "What, me?"

"Uh-huh. You are, and I quote, not hot."

"I'm…not hot?"

"Yeah, and Felicia thinks you look like a yeti with the beard."

"There's nothing fucking wrong with my beard!"

"That a good shave wouldn't fix!

"Jesus! I'm on vacation, I'm allowed to relax!" No one here really understood how boring it was shaving all the time. I loved the whole not shaving when on vacation thing. When we went to Fiji I left my razor behind on purpose so Sookie would leave me alone, although I'm not convinced the looks Sookie gave me for the rest of the two weeks were really worth it. There was a lot of sighing and pursed lips.

"I supposed I should have realised from the fact that you stopped shaving about a week after I let you move in that you were a lost cause."

"Yep, too late to change me now. I'm set in my ways."

"Yeah. But next time we go to Fiji you can go to the kids club with Pam because she thinks you're wonderful whatever you do."

"I am wonderful."

"Mmm, most of the time" Sookie said diplomatically, putting her feet in my lap and leaning back in her chair.

"So, anything else I should know about?"

"Well, Amelia is still fixated on vampires and movie stars with weird haircuts, and Felicia has a thing for the All Black with the tattoos and the dreads."

"Felicia?"

"Yeah."

"But she's 10!"

"Uh-huh."

"That seems…wrong."

Sookie shrugged. "I don't think she's actually going to stalk him and follow him to his hotel room or anything. It's just a passing fancy; she's getting to that age too."

"Shit"

"Yeah."

I thought for a moment while I had a mouthful of coffee. "So who did you like then?"

"What?" asked Sookie.

"When you were their age, who did you like?"

"Oh. Oh, um…well I remember when I was about 12 I was all set to grow up and marry George Michael."

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. "How'd that work out for you?" I asked.

"Not as well as I hoped it would" Sookie said smiling. "The annoying thing was that Jason used to go on and on about him being gay, and it used to really piss me off, because Jason went on and on about every male pop star and actor being gay. And when it turned out he was right he was unbearable and decided he had an awesomely accurate gaydar." She sighed. "But that's Jason, and sometimes he's an annoying arsehole. You know, you've met him."

I wasn't really sure I was qualified to give an opinion on Jason so I just nodded. "But, really Sookie? George Michael?" Fuck, maybe her taste in men was completely shit?

"That video was _really_ good, you know the one for Faith, I think it was, with the jukebox and the dancing…you don't remember?"

I was looking blank because I didn't. I was trying to work out how old I would have been and I was guessing I wasn't really at an age where I was interested in George Michael videos. Although I doubted I had actually been interested in them at any age.

"Oh well. Take my word for it. It was good." Sookie looked wistful and took another sip of coffee. "Anyway, what about you?" she asked me.

"Oh, um…" Fuck, I hated it when she wanted to know shit about me. I really wasn't that interesting. "Um…well I remember thinking Pamela Anderson was really, um, hot. I think it was the red swimsuit."

"Oh, OK, yeah." Sookie was silent for a moment then she frowned; "You didn't!" she exclaimed.

"Didn't what?" What the fuck was I supposed to have done now?

"Name Pam after Pamela Anderson!"

"Oh, God no! No, trust me Pam is definitely a…family name." It was, it was just Sookie didn't know the whole story behind that one.

"Mmm. I believe you" Sookie said, looking like she wasn't completely sure that she did.

We'd finished our coffee by now and Sookie stood up to put the cups in the sink. I stood up and put my arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. She turned around and put her arms around my neck, and kissed me. I deepened the kiss and things were getting promising when I suddenly heard Amelia say "Euw! Get a room you two!"

I looked over to where she was standing by the refrigerator, and Sookie put her head on my chest. "Amelia, we have lots of rooms. All of these…" I gestured around the house "…are our rooms. You're just lucky we let you stay in one and decorate it with your stupid posters. Now why are you out here anyway?"

She shrugged. "I wanted a glass of water."

"So I hear you've been giving your mother shit about her taste in men?" I asked her. I couldn't resist, the opportunity to tease her was just too fucking tempting. Sookie nudged me slightly which I guessed was a request to be nice, but she didn't say anything.

Amelia opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. "Well, um…yeah, you know. You're old! Of course you're not hot…I mean, dads aren't supposed to be. You're just…you know, there." She stopped talking and just shrugged. "I don't make the rules, but that's how it works."

"How what works?" said Felicia, sloping into the kitchen.

"Life!" Amelia said dramatically.

Felicia frowned. "What about life?"

"Oh, we've been through this already! Look over there." Amelia gestured in the direction of Sookie and me. "Not hot! They're OLD! They should be over it by now. But no, she thinks he's hot and he's, euw! Got his hands on her bum! I'm leaving! Come on Felicia!" Amelia started to make a big exit from the room, but Felicia wasn't following.

"Come ON!" she said.

"I don't have to" Felicia said mildly. "You're not the boss of me, Ames." Amelia looked livid. For the first few years of Felicia's life Amelia had been convinced that she was indeed the boss of her, and it had been a very sad day for her when Felicia finally figured out the truth.

"Fine! Stay here with them, but don't blame me when you have nightmares!" Amelia half-shouted, before turning on her heel and stomping out of the room.

Felicia watched her go. "What is her problem?" she asked.

"Puberty. It really sucks to be a 13 year old girl, it's the hormones" Sookie said, stepping away from me.

"Yeah, I think she was like that before though" I said, earning a glare from Sookie.

"Was she still on about the not hot thing?" Felicia asked. Sookie nodded. Felicia came over to me "Did she tell you about the t-shirt?" she asked.

"What t-shirt?"

"Oh, the one she wants to get made which says 'Eric Northman is not hot'". Felicia looked really pleased with herself for spilling the beans.

"Uh-huh" I said, waiting to see if there was more.

"It's because her friend likes you" Felicia added.

"Which friend?"

"Yvetta."

"Do I know Yvetta?" I asked Sookie, who was wiping something.

"Um, she's the one who…" she looked over at Felicia, before stretching up and whispering "…dresses like a stripper."

"Oh. Yeah. Think I've seen her." She looked like trouble. I was pretty sure that it would take more than bars on the windows to control that one. "Do you think they're good friends?"

Sookie shrugged. "I hope not. I'll just keep an eye on it and if need be I'll talk to her Mum. I think her number's on the class list."

"Yeah." Fuck, if that was what the daughter was like I doubted the mother would care much about Sookie's concerns, but I'd leave it to her. And maybe check in with Felicia again to find out more.

"So did you actually want anything, Leesh?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. Hey, Mum, will my PE gear be clean for tomorrow?"

Sookie looked at her. "Well it's in the machine, I'll put it in the dryer before I go to bed and it should be OK. Are your shoes clean?"

"Um, think so. OK, well 'night you guys!" Sookie and I said goodnight and Felicia left the kitchen.

"Don't do it Eric" Sookie said, not really looking in my direction.

"What?"

"Pay Felicia to spy on Amelia. Don't think I don't know how she got some of the money for that skateboard, that wasn't just from delivering brochures."

Fuck, Sookie knew more than she let on sometimes. "I only paid her for chores, Sookie."

"Mmm-hmm." Sookie was about to say something else, when Sam appeared, sighing loudly.

"What's wrong?" I asked him.

"Can't sleep"

"Why not"

"Tray can't sleep. There are weird noises under his bed. We think Stan's got something under there, it might be a rat." Fuck, I really did not need to go on a rat hunt tonight. There was way too much shit in the boys' room and we'd never find it.

I went to the pantry and got out the flashlight and handed it to Sam. "You go and have a look under the bed for me and report back."

Sam started to run off but Sookie said "Eric!" and he froze. "You can't send Sam to look under the bed, you do it."

I sighed, and held out my hand for the flashlight. Sam wasn't giving it up though. "Muuum! I can do it! I'm not scared of the stupid rat."

"Well, Dad'll go and look; he's good at catching rats." I really wasn't but it was nice to have the vote of confidence, I guessed.

"OK" Sam said in a resigned voice, as he handed me the flashlight. We headed down the hall and he grumbled "I could have looked. It's just _looking_. I'm not a baby."

"No, I know."

"I don't think Mum does" he grumbled.

"Well, she just cares about you. Count yourself lucky on that front." When I was his age I didn't have a mother, and quite frankly my dad wasn't looking under the bed for any rats, or any other fucking thing. Except maybe another bottle of whisky. It was hard to believe I'd been left to my own devices when I was quite that fucking young.

We reached the boys' bedroom, where Tray was sitting up in his bed. "There's some really weird noises, Dad" Tray said.

"They're not that weird" Sam snorted, getting into his own bed.

"That's not what you said before!" Tray countered.

"Well I'll have a look" I said getting down on my hands and knees and shining the flashlight under the bed. A pair of rather evil green eyes glinted back, and next to Stan I could see a tennis ball. No sign of a rat, or any other living thing, thank fuck.

"It's just a tennis ball" I said standing up.

"Oh, is that where that went" Tray said, lying down again. There were some shuffling noises from under the bed, and a low growl.

Fuck, I should really get Stan out of there, but I wasn't risking my arm. "OK, night you guys" I said, leaving the room to the sound of both of them saying "'Night, Dad."

When I got back into the kitchen Sookie looked at me and said "So?"

"Just a tennis ball" I said, putting the flashlight back.

"So did you move Stan?"

"Um, no. I think he's good under there."

"Eric! He'll keep the poor kid awake. All we need is Tray trying to get into bed with us at 1am."

Fuck, yeah, that didn't sound great. I don't know what it was about kids but they always managed to hog the bed. It hadn't helped when we'd bought a bigger bed, because we'd just kept having more kids. And God knows if any of them found out about one of the others being in bed with us, then they all piled in so they weren't missing out. It got really fucking crowded, and I was the only one who actually did miss out.

"He'll be fine" I said, not entirely convinced, but really not wanting to have to go back and move Stan.

Sookie rolled her eyes and got the cat treats out of the pantry and went off down the hall, returning about five minutes later.

"What did you do with him?" I asked.

"I led him into Pam's room. He'll be fine in there. She sleeps like the dead, remember how she fell asleep on the plane back from Fiji and then you were stuck carrying her all the way through passport control and customs?"

Yeah, I did remember that. Pam had snored and drooled all over my shoulder, and I'd ended up with cramp in my arm, but she hadn't woken up.

I listened for a moment, the house seemed quiet. I figured all the kids were finally asleep or otherwise occupied.

"So, you know" I said to Sookie, who was making school lunches. "That whole 'not hot' thing kind of hurt my ego."

Sookie snorted. "Eric, your ego is like, cast-iron or something. I seriously doubt that Amelia telling you you're not hot is going to be that detrimental."

"Oh, I'm much more sensitive than you give me credit for."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So you know, I might need some…comforting…" I looked at Sookie and raised my eyebrows.

"Nice try, Eric. But I'm really tired. Shift your butt so I can get to that drawer." I moved away from where I was leaning against the counter. Sookie grabbed a knife out of the drawer and continued. "After this I still have to empty the dishwasher and put the washing in the dryer and then I'm going to collapse in bed."

"Well, how about if I empty the dishwasher while you take care of the laundry and then we can collapse in bed together?" I wasn't exactly going to beg, but sometimes Sookie needed a bit of persuading these days.

I could see the wheels turning in her head. She put the lunches in the refrigerator and then leaned against it, playing with her necklace. I went over to her and put my arms around her. "I really need to feel…wanted…" I said, kissing her neck and her collarbone.

"OK" she said finally, "You empty the dishwasher and I'll look after the washing and then I might be prepared to comfort you, if you're very good. But only because I think you're hot!"

"Well I'm glad someone does!"

"Yeah, well, at least you've got one fan I guess." With that she left the room and I opened the dishwasher and got hit with a face full of steam. I hated emptying the dishwasher, it was boring and repetitive. But I had learned that if Sookie was ever going to relax, then I needed to help her out, otherwise all I ever got was a no.

I was finished before she was and I found her still trying to drag the last few items out of the washing machine. She was leaning over it, stretching right down to the bottom, so I stood behind her and put my hands on her hips.

"I should make you do this" she muttered. "Your arms are longer."

"I'm busy" I said, as I ran my hands up her sides, and under her t-shirt, while kissing the back of her neck. I undid her bra and then moved my hands around so the weight of her breasts could fall into my hands. I kneaded them gently. Fuck, that was nice. I pushed my groin into her butt, so she could feel how hard I was getting.

"You're really putting me off here, you know?" Sookie said.

"Mmm" I didn't really want to chat; I was having quite a nice time.

"You're going to have to move so I can put this in the dryer" Sookie said.

I sighed and stepped back, and Sookie put the last clothes in the dryer before turning it on.

"Done?" I asked.

"Yeah" Sookie said.

"Great, bed now"

"Yep, bed now."

I took Sookie's hand and led her down the hall, enjoying the fact she hadn't done her bra up again and there was a certain amount of bounce going on. That was pretty fucking awesome.

When we got to the bedroom I sat on the bed and Sookie stood in front of me. I pulled off her t-shirt and slid the bra down her arms, before latching on to one of her breasts. Sookie's arms went around my shoulders and she knelt on the bed, with her knees on either side of my thighs. Without removing my mouth I lay back on the bed, taking Sookie with me and she giggled. I then rolled us over so she was beneath me.

Sookie patted my arm. "Come on, clothes off" she said.

I looked up at her. "Are you going to make me be quick again?" I asked.

She glanced over at the clock. "Um, not super-quick, maybe just medium quick."

I sighed. "What the fuck is medium quick, Sookie?"

"Well, it's too hard to explain." She looked at the clock again. "OK, you don't have to be quick then."

"Excellent, it's so much nicer when you're not timing me, or asking me to hurry up."

"I don't do that!"

"No, you just sigh a lot sometimes. Now shut up please."

"Fine!"

I pulled off Sookie's stretchy pants, the kind she only ever wore round home but which I really, really loved her ass in, and her panties. I needed her to relax though, so I just kissed her stomach and her thighs for a while before running my tongue through her slit and sucking gently on her clit.

"Ohhhh, Eric" she moaned, running her hands through my hair. That was always the best bit, well one of the good bits anyway, when she moaned my name like that. I'd never fucking get tired of that sound.

I reached around and grabbed her ass, pulling her hips towards me and continuing to work my tongue in and around her clit, stopping to suck every so often. I inserted two fingers into Sookie's hot, wet centre and she moaned again and started to buck up towards me. She was so close. A few more seconds and she came, her internal muscles clamping onto my fingers, while she tried to move her now sensitive clit away from my mouth.

I looked up her. "Feeling a bit more relaxed?" I asked.

"Uh-huh. Soooo relaxed. Maybe I should just curl up and go to sleep now…" she looked down at me and smiled. "Don't pout; you know I'm only joking."

"I'm not pouting" I fucking wasn't, but I was worried there for a minute that she might be that sleepy.

"If I do fall asleep on you though" Sookie said, while lifting my t-shirt over my head "You have my permission to carry on."

Yeah, she always said that, but it had never happened yet. I think there was a close call though one night when Tray was a baby.

"Yeah, uh. Thanks." I said as I lay back on the bed and let Sookie take off my jeans and underwear. Sookie giggled as she slowly kissed down my stomach, causing my cock to twitch with the anticipation of her touch. And then she took me in her mouth and I relaxed against the bed, just enjoying the sensations her tongue was causing. Fuck, this was good.

She could read me so well because I was starting to get really close when she stopped and released me. My cock really wasn't happy at the loss of the warmth and the wetness, but Sookie quickly straddled me and lowered herself onto me, giving me a whole other kind of sensation. Fuck, she was so hot and wet.

Sookie placed her hands on my chest and began to rock. I watched her boobs move as she did so, that was a fucking good view. I bent my legs and Sookie leaned back against my thighs and put her hands on my knees, which made her boobs look even more fantastic. She was moving faster now and I could feel she was close, she was breathing hard and a film of sweat formed across her chest. And then she let out an "Ohhhhh" and slowly relaxed, leaning forward and kissing my chest. "That's so good" she murmured.

"Not sleepy?" I asked.

"Yeah, not really."

"Good."

I flipped us over so Sookie was underneath me and began to thrust in and out. "Oh, fuck I love this" Sookie said, running her nails up and down my back before grabbing my butt.

"Yeah. I fucking love it too" I agreed.

Sookie started to squirm underneath me and soon she was moaning her way through another orgasm, and the feeling of her pulse around my cock just sent me over the edge. "Oh, fuck. Sookie!" I said, in a voice that sounded strangled even to myself. I tensed right up and then slowly I relaxed, pulling Sookie over so that we were lying on our sides, but I was still inside her. I fucking loved being there and I wasn't going before I had to.

I kissed Sookie deeply. "Well you didn't fall asleep on me, so I must be doing something right."

Sookie giggled. "You did lots of things right. You always do." She was quiet for a moment and then said "Maybe I'll take a leaf out of Amelia's book and get a t-shirt made."

"Oh? And what would this t-shirt say? 'Eric Northman is Hot'?"

"No. Maybe 'Eric Northman Rocks my World?'"

I chuckled. "Yeah, I like the sound of that one. Can you get several made so you always have one to wear?"

Sookie laughed "Glad to see your ego is feeling better!"

"Of course it is. See this was all I needed, a little comforting from my wife."

Sookie just went "Phfft" and was quiet for a bit. "What about you?" she asked. "What would your t-shirt say?"

I thought for a bit. I kind of liked the idea of getting one that said 'Stop looking at her Boobs' with an arrow pointing to where Sookie would be standing next to me, in the style of the old I'm With Stupid t-shirts. I wasn't sure Sookie would appreciate the sentiment though.

"Um, probably mine would say 'I love my wife Sookie very fucking much'".

Sookie laughed. "You're such a romantic, Eric."

"You know it!"

"I was trying to tell Amelia there's more to it than just looks, but I don't think she got it. See the romance helps, and the fun. Now shove over so we can go to sleep."

Reluctantly I pulled out, which made me feel lonely, but Sookie at least didn't race to put clothes on which was nice. I always liked it when I could feel her skin against mine. She rolled over so I was spooning her and relaxed against me; I draped one arm over her side, and laid my cheek against her hair which was spread across the pillow.

"Although I have to say" Sookie said, obviously carrying on her earlier thought, "It does help that you're hot."

"And yours is the only opinion I really care about on that subject" I said.

"Yeah, it's just lucky we found each other really."

"Very lucky."

"Night Eric. Love you."

"Love you too, Sookie."

**Thanks for reading!**


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